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How Can I Get My Girlfriend Back?

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How Can I Get My Girlfriend Back?

She caught me flirting with her friend and broke up with me.  I told her it was just a stupid little thing and didn’t mean anything, but she doesn’t seem to believe me.

One place to start is by asking your ex-­girlfriend to talk with you about what happened.  You’ll need to:

  • be a good listener – ­­no interrupting or arguing.
  • hold yourself accountable – ­­acknowledge what you did wrong, truthfully.
  • find out she felt about that – ­­what was that like for her?
  • Once you find out, tell her you can understand why she would feel the way she felt ­­and why.  And you’ve got to mean it!
  • Example:  She might say that she felt embarrassed and angry, and you’d respond saying something like “I can understand why you’d be embarrassed and angry, because boyfriends are supposed to be faithful, and flirting with your friend was neither faithful nor respectful.  I would have felt embarrassed and angry if you’d done that to me, too.”
  • And then you’ll need to give her another heartfelt apology.

Now, once you’ve done that, you could ask if she would be willing to give you another chance. She may or may not.  And this is where the hard part comes in – ­­you may have messed something up that can’t be repaired. Trust is one of the most important parts of a relationship.  All relationships are based on agreements, and when one person breaks that agreement there are consequences.

In other words, you may not get her back because of what you did.  But if that’s the case, I have one more piece of advice for you­­ – try to tell yourself to look at this as a learning opportunity. You’ll probably have plenty more relationships, and you’ll learn something from each one. Sometimes you’ll learn about what kind of partner you don’t want to have, and sometimes you’ll learn what kind of partner you don’t want to be.  This is one of the latter, and while it hurts, it’s still a good lesson to learn.

Katie Malinski Katie Malinski LCSW is a licensed child and family therapist and parenting coach. In addition to her one-on-one work with families and children, she presents dynamic parenting workshops on a variety of topics, including: Beyond Birds and Bees, Parenting Through Divorce, Typical Parenting Conflicts, and many more. Learn more about Katie at www.KatieMalinski.com.
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