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How Do I Get Over a Bad Breakup?

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How Do I Get Over a Bad Breakup?

I feel really bad.  I’ve never felt this kind of pain/loss before. How do I get over her when I see her every day at school?

The end of a relationship is always a little painful, but it can really be awful when they break up with you. Ouch. And then you go to school, and there she is, smiling, laughing, looking happy, maybe even flirting with someone new. Double ouch!

The thing is, these feelings will pass. I know they hurt like crazy now, but you’ve basically got to let yourself feel them, and then they will start to feel less intense. To help these feelings pass a little faster, ­­try one of these four ideas:

1. Make a list of things that you like to do, that your girlfriend didn’t like to do. Do some of those things this week. Add fun to your life, and especially add fun that doesn’t make you think of your ex.

2. Think about the messages you are telling yourself with the voice in your head. If there’s a voice in there that’s overly critical­­ – saying things like you’ll never get another girlfriend, or that you aren’t good enough or attractive enough or whatever, tell that voice to take a hike! In its place, see if you can put the voice of someone who loves you – ­­a friend or family member – ­­saying the sorts of things that feel good to hear at this time.

3. If you are able to, think about a few parts of your girlfriend’s personality or habits that you didn’t totally love. There’s no need to over­do this part, but give yourself permission to recognize that she wasn’t perfect, and certainly she isn’t perfect for you. Even if the only negative you can think of for her right now is that she broke up with you, trust me, that’s a significant negative. It’s really important to only be with a person who loves and appreciates you.

4. And lastly, speaking of loving and appreciating you ­­make sure you take good care of yourself. Remember that sleep and food affect mood ­­so make good the choices that will help you feel better.

Good luck!

Katie Malinski Katie Malinski LCSW is a licensed child and family therapist and parenting coach. In addition to her one-on-one work with families and children, she presents dynamic parenting workshops on a variety of topics, including: Beyond Birds and Bees, Parenting Through Divorce, Typical Parenting Conflicts, and many more. Learn more about Katie at www.KatieMalinski.com.
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